The Bully Pulpit I'm a goddam bully and I like it. Gimme a patsy to push around and I'm busier than a one-armed man with a paddle at an ass-whooping convention. I believe in punishment, not because there are people who deserve to be punished, but because I like punishing people. Makes me feel good. Doesn't matter what they did, it serves them right. Vanquishing a foe gets me much harder than beating them in a pansy argument. Physical power trumps brain power every time. Might doesn't make right. Right or wrong makes no difference to me as long as I get to exert my power, because it's all about me and my ability to push people around. Whatever makes me feel good, and today, nothing would please me more than exercising a bit of discipline. Not on my self, of course. On others. You saw me in the schoolyard and you tried to stay out of my way but it didn't work. I stopped you on the way home and broke all your pencils. Tough shit. Run away crying. You fail to realize that the only thing of importance in this universe is my getting my way. Bow down before me, you sniveling toad, and watch what it's like to be me. Don't get in my way. Do what I say or get hurt, even if what I say has no meaning, even to me. ESPECIALLY if it has no meaning to me. Do you think I NEED your tongue on my shoe? Tongues are a dime a dozen. What I need is proof that you will do what I say. Read that sentence again. Now that I've grown up a bit, I've put aside the childish pleasure of washing blood off my knuckles. These days, I'd rather sit at a distance and let others do my chastising for me. I like to watch. Let 'em suffer. Suffering's good. Make someone suffer in the morning and it puts a spring in your step the rest of the day. The stronger I get, the better for everyone who does what I say. The more people who do what I say, the stronger I get. Other than personally pummeling some nobody, nothing gets me off more than telling someone to do something completely outrageous and watching them go off to do it, regardless of how petty or vicious or degrading the task. Hey, watch this. You! Over here! Kiss my ass! See? Pretty cool, huh? I've built special rooms where people do terrible things to other people and I get to see it on TV. I ask them questions I know they don't know the answer to just so I can watch them beg for mercy. Ha! Mercy's for suckers and begging is SO yesterday. Why should I show mercy when the whole point is to watch them suffer? If nobody suffers, what's the point? I'm a one-man study group in the fine science of suffering, pushing the envelope to new extremes, boldly making others suffer in brand new ways nobody ever thought of before, and I don't have to go begging for grants to continue the investigation. I got your grant right here. People who have only known pain in their lives aren't good sufferers. They don't know any better. Give someone a taste of the good life, THEN come down on them, and see what suffering's all about. They know what they're missing. They know how nice things can be, making them squirm even more delightfully when the shit comes down. The suffering of one dilettante is worth ten times the suffering of hordes of foreign rabble but hey, you take what you can get. Truth is what I say it is. The whole world is a plaything for my amusement, and my way of playing with toys is to break them. I'm only happy when I'm in charge. Nothing pisses me off more than someone disagreeing with me. I don't listen, I talk. I'm through with arguing. No more arguing for me. Who needs it? Not me. Totally pointless. Never achieves anything, and I'm an achiever. Achievers don't say please, they say "Do what I say or I'll grind you to a pulp." Achievers rule the world. When's the last time a non-achiever took control? Look at you, you germ, you maggot, you pseudo-intellectual. What do you think you're doing? Who said you could read this? Put it down right now. You heard me, stop reading immediately and look at me. What's the matter with you? Why aren't you doing what I say? Now I'm getting mad. Real mad. Wait till you see what happens to you when you stop reading. Now you're going to get it. Sure sounds like a CPS agent to me